


Pyrogen

by Broken_Clover



Category: Guilty Gear
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Established Friendship, Hallucinations, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-07-27 21:47:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16227959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Broken_Clover/pseuds/Broken_Clover
Summary: Bedman still has a lot of hangups and anxieties about his past and who he's trying to be, not at all helped by a hallucination that tells him everything he doesn't want to hear.





	Pyrogen

**Author's Note:**

> I am only slightly sorry. If there's one thing I love more than a character, it's watching them suffer. I didn't plan for this to be shippy, but I definitely suppose it could be read that way if you wish.

Bedman didn’t like feeling sticky. Sin likely would have made a joke about that and how silly it sounded, but it was a serious statement. Of all the sensations that he found unnerving and unpleasant, stickiness was definitely one of the worst.

It didn’t help at all that this wasn’t even a nice kind of sticky. It wasn’t like spilled syrup on pancakes, or peanut butter, or the backs of stickers. This was more like a far-too-humid summer day. The air itself seemed to be clinging onto him, with the heat making him sweat enough that it glued his clothing to his skin. It just made him feel even more sluggish and tired, which was doubly annoying due to the fact that he had literally just woken up.

Afternoon naps weren’t an uncommon thing for him. He didn’t remember wandering off to go take one, but he often didn’t. He just wished that he could have awoken to more pleasant conditions. Why did the whole room feel to hot and humid? It was practically a greenhouse! Kiske had a habit of keeping the windows open far too much for his liking, but was in really necessary on a day as bad as this?

Bedman had neither the audacity or the energy to go find the king and complain at him. He was probably working, anyway. But he very well couldn’t stay where he was, it was far too uncomfortable to go back to sleep.

Indignantly, he rolled out of bed, trying not the cringe at how the warm humidity had even managed to seep into the blankets. The sheets were kicked back, alongside a few rags, and he fumbled for his glasses somewhere on the nightstand. The world became slightly easier to make out- though strangely, it still seemed oddly fuzzy. Was the humidity really that bad? He didn’t doubt it, but something about it made him uncomfortable.

Still in a slightly-drowsy haze, Bedman stumbled out of the bedroom and started wandering down the hall, trying to remember where the kitchen was supposed to be. They’d probably have something cold to drink, or maybe he could stand in the freezer for a couple of minutes. The staff tended to kick him out if they found him standing in it, but a few stolen minutes and an unceremonious removal was better than standing around being miserable.

Some distant part of him wondered where Sin had gone off to, but he immediately chided himself for being clingy again. He was probably off trying to avoid studying, or playing with Elphelt and Ramlethal. Really, he should be more grateful that Sin had found somewhere else to be. That meant that he wouldn’t be the one to wake him up from his noisiness. Even if the thought of his companions having fun without him put an unpleasant feeling in his chest.

_‘No, no, stop it. Shut up.’_ He thought to himself. _‘Stop making it about you. It isn’t about you.’_

He didn’t know why he was still thinking about it, anyway. He needed to cool down. The humidity was disgusting.

Perhaps it didn’t help that every single hall looked remarkably similar to one another. Usually, he was skilled with this sort of thing, memorizing the minor details and little imperfections to make a map in his head, but it too seemed blurred. Before he knew it, he had found himself totally lost.

“Hello?” He called into the empty halls. “Is anyone here?”

No reply. “S-Sin?”

He wasn’t sure why he was asking for Sin. He supposed that he was just so used to having the other boy around for companionship, that being alone like this was jarring. As embarrassing as it may have been, he often found himself relying on Sin for reassurance and comfort.

“Sin? C-can you hear me? I’m lost…”

Bedman was well aware of how pathetic he sounded, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He already felt stressed out enough with the weather.

_‘No, no, you idiot. Don’t get so worked up over nothing.’_

Glancing around, he picked a random direction and began walking again. Just turning made him feel dizzy for some reason, and he found himself reaching out to use the nearest wall for support. That was...worrying. Was something wrong with him? Was the weather really that bad?

_‘You’re just weak. Look at you. A little bad weather and you can’t even walk right.’_

“Stop it.” He didn’t intend to speak aloud, it just slipped out. Not like there was anyone there to overhear.

_‘You really are pathetic, you know that? No wonder your so-called friends keep leaving you behind.’_

“Shut up.” He growled, shaking his head. “Sin!”

_‘They don’t really like you, you know.’_ His thoughts were practically jeering. _‘You’re a pity project.’_

“Anyone here? Hello?”

_‘You’re a manipulator, is what you are. A lying little bastard. Why would they have any reason to like you? Why would they want to be friends with you?’_

Bedman was feeling dizzy again, just from standing up. He found himself slumping against the wall, trying to force himself to keep going. The ceiling almost seemed to be dripping from the heat.

_‘You’re worthless. They know you are. And you know it, too! What reason do you have to be here than to just waste everyone’s time?’_

“Stop it. Now.”

_‘Little more than a toy. An amusement. The only reason nobody’s killed you yet is because you’re too pathetic. Like a crippled puppy. It’d hurt their feelings.’_

“I-I’m...I’m not listening!”

_‘You’ve always been so good at only hearing what you wanted to hear...only seeing what you want to see. Isn’t that right, Bedman? And when the world didn’t like that, you tried to get rid of it and start over from scratch, just so you wouldn’t have to accept what was actually going on.’_

Maybe ignoring it would help? He tried to focus on walking.

_‘Silent treatment? Ah, what did I just say...They could all tell you how much they hated you and you could still delude yourself into thinking that they liked you. That’s always been your biggest strength, eh? Denial.’_

“Th-that’s-”

_‘Not true? What an excellent demonstration.’_ He swore that he could feel a malicious smile burning into the back of his head. _‘Almost adorable, isn’t it? If it weren’t so pathetic. One of the world’s most wanted criminals is a little bratty boy who can’t take no for an answer. So he throws a temper tantrum.’_

He tripped. The coarse fabric of the carpet felt itchy on his skin, moreso than usual. If he had the energy, he would have gotten up as fast as possible, or started scratching himself to get rid of the sensation. He couldn’t muster up the energy, instead only managing to curl in on himself and try to ignore everything.

_‘You’re delusional. That’s all you really are.’_ The voice in his head was tsk-ing in disappointment. _‘If I didn’t know any better, I’d say they’re hiding from you on purpose. Why are you even still here? All you do is get in the way. And my God, do you know how needy you are? Always needing help, always bothering people for favors because you’re too weak and useless to do anything yourself.’_

“Stop it...stop it…” With no true way to defend himself, he just huddled up more as he began to cry.

_‘It’s only a matter of time until you’re not a fun enough toy to keep Sin’s attention. Then they’ll throw you out with the rest of the trash~_

_Aha, if you even get that lucky! You really are an idiot if you think anyone is going to forgive you. All that talk about ‘wanting to help people’ and ‘atonement?’ You think they believe that drivel? No wonder you’re such an overattached nuisance. Sin’s the only thing keeping you alive!_

_Then again...you’re enjoying it, aren’t you~’_

“...What?”

_‘Oh, please, don’t even try to kid yourself. You love it when he gives you attention, you needy brat. You’re obsessed with being wanted. You’re so goddamn lonely that you cling on to the first idiot that gives a damn about you.’_

“Please, s-shut up…”

_‘’Wanna play a game with us, Mattie?’ ‘Let’s go explore the forest!’ ‘Me and El are gonna get food, want to come?’ You_ love _that. You can’t stand being alone…’_

Whatever it was that berated him only seemed to be bearing down more and more. His chest felt tight, like someone was sitting on it. It hurt to breathe. Black spots were blurring his vision, which only made him panic more.

_‘Weakling, weakling~’_ The voice kept taunting him. _‘Look at you! So pathetic, it’s hilarious!’_

“Stop…” It hurt even more to talk. Between the crying and the heaviness, there was barely enough air to stay conscious. All he could think to do was huddle up, try to stay hidden, hope the voice would go away.

“Mattie?”

Bedman was so shocked that he managed to bang his head on the wall when he tried to uncurl for a better look. He grasped the sore spot and trembled harder, trying to avoid crying more.

“Oh, man…”

As much as he was relieved to hear his friend’s voice again, he still felt nothing but panic. Was Sin finally coming to tell him that he was bored keeping him around? That he was going to send him down to the gallows so they could finally be rid of him?

A hand brushed his side. He would have jolted in panic, but it seemed that the last one had taken all of his energy, and all he could manage was a little twitch and a soft whimper.

“You aren’t supposed to be out like this!” Sin’s tone was somewhere between scolding and dismay. “Yeesh. You just don’t know when to quit.”

Bedman wasn’t sure how to interpret what his friend was saying. He wasn’t given much time to, though. Before he could even get started, strong hands scooped him up and held him tightly. Sin’s body felt far cooler than everything else around them, and he couldn’t stop himself from huddling against his chest with another weak noise.

“Huh. I guess the fever hasn’t gone down at all, has it?”

Fever?

The world was swaying as Sin walked, but it was a pleasant swaying, like a porch swing. He liked the repetitive movement. It always felt good when he was stressed. With the way he was being held, he could faintly hear a strong, steady heartbeat as he pressed up against the other’s broad chest.

“Yeah, you still feel super warm. Probably doesn’t help with you wandering around, either.”

The voice in his thoughts had gone miraculously silent, and he was thankful for that. He felt sleepy again, and definitely happy not not have to walk anywhere. The idea of being carried around was one he tended to hate, but it felt relaxing in Sin’s arms, letting the sound of his heart thrum against him.

He’d already half-dozed off by the time Sin began putting him down and pulling the blanket back over his body. It didn’t feel like it had been long enough for them to make it back to the room they shared, but he couldn’t bring himself to care about the logistics when he just wanted another nap.

Briefly cracking his eyes open, he spotted Sin reaching for the rags that he had kicked off before. He pondered the purpose behind them, but immediately realized as they were placed back over his forehead. They were cold, so wonderfully cold against the heat.

“There, isn’t that better?” Bedman felt Sin’s hand ruffling his hair. “Probably feels less hot. I dunno what it’s like being sick, but the old man said your fever was really bad. Like, something about it making you loopy?”

That made enough sense. Then again, at that point, he probably would have believed anything Sin told him. Still, he couldn’t manage to shake off those mocking jeers that had seemed so real before. He didn’t want to think about it, but they refused to leave him be.

“Sin?”

The half-Gear perked up. “You’re still up? What’cha need?”

Without thinking, Bedman found himself tearing up. “Are you...mad at me?”

“Eh?” Sin tilted his head, keeping a jovial smile. “What are you talking about? Why would I be mad at you?

It was a perfectly valid question. In spite of himself, the tears began flowing, and his breathing became staggered.

“Oh, c’mon…” With his smile briefly turning sad, Sin moved a hand to brush the tears off of his friend’s face. “I’m not gonna get mad at you for getting sick! I’m honestly more bummed out for you!”

“Hnn?”

“Dad says that getting sick really sucks. I mean, you can’t even go outside or anything!” Sin pouted, a little comically. “So get better soon, okay? We still have a bunch of games to play before the snow starts!”

So...Sin wasn’t upset with him? Had he really been worried about nothing?

“And don’t worry about me or anything! We cancelled all our plans so you wouldn’t miss out on anything- oh yeah, and Ram and El should be back soon with lunch for everyone! Burgers for us and soup for you!”

...It was really true, then. They hadn’t been hiding from him at all. In fact, they’d been trying to help him! How could he have been so foolish...he was supposed to be better than this.

Sin reached back over to pull the glasses back off of his face. In spite of the blurry vision, he could still make out a smile.

“Still, try and sleep a little more, okay? You look like you need all the help you can get right now.”

With all of the time spend wandering and stressing, he really would have preferred a nap. Bedman curled up under the blanket, taking in the familiar scents of flowers and fabric softener that he had begun correlating with his new home. He ventured one last look at Sin’s cheery, serene smile before dozing off, feeling happy and safe as long as his friend was there.

“Goodnight, Mattie.”


End file.
